Boating yin and yang

We're starting in the happy place today. June Cleaver is baking a fresh apple pie, the Beaver is doing his homework, little Opie Taylor is fishing down at the pond, and the sun is shinning. I have to re-install a VHF antenna, and an older Raystar 120 GPS antenna. Brand new T-top canvas has just been installed, and I had to untie a portion of it to see where the old equipment holes were located. Lo and behold, look at that hole, it's a beauty. Two inches in diameter, and someone took a moment to deburr the edges. How sweet it is, this is the way it's supposed to be done, and my hats off to the builder of this T-top.

When hurricanes collide, the Apocalypse

The meteorologists at the Parmain secret labs have been studying the latest NOAA weather data, and using our advanced Commodore Pet computer have modeled the latest lasgana tracks for both Lee and Katia. Our expert opinion is that these two storms will collide together right over Washington DC. We understand that Congress, in a rare bipartisan move has agreed that any sighting of the Weather Channel's Jim "Dr. Doom" Cantore checking into any 5 star hotel in the area will be the signal to immediately get out of town. Funds have been allocated to charter private Gulfstream G550 corporate jets for this purpose. Congressional staffers will be given a $75.00 travel voucher, for bus fare to Topeka. Some scientists have theorized that when the two storms meet, that it is possible that a black hole could be formed, or the state of Maryland could wash out to sea.

What's that job?

"Welcome everyone! I'm your host Larry Hokem, and this is What's that job, the game show in which contestants try to guess what job is being done. We have selected the first three players that could correctly spell the word boat, and now let's meet them."

Steps, and second steering stations on smaller boats, nope, don't like them

All too often advances in technology or performance comes with a price, and a step hull is no exception. Step hulls are much different from the deep V hulls most are familiar with, and come with their own special jargon that contains words such as chine walking, snapping, rolling, hooking, step tripping, porpoising, turn blow outs, and many others, none of which have successful boating connotations. The point is that all boat hulls are compromises, and step hull vessels have more of them than most, particularly for the less than experienced boater.

Knocked up

This is a common sight in many marinas. The "Steel Forks" of the lift snatch your boat out of the water, and place it onto a storage rack, or the ilk. The forks always end up generally in the same place, sort of, and that is the outboard edges of the hull, give or take. Running these machines takes practice, hopefully not too much on your boat, and a lot of skill. There are always signs around dry storage marinas that say something to the tune of, "Make sure your antennas are lowered, and the trim tabs are all the way up." Loosely translated, this means it ain't our fault if you end up with broken, or bent stuff on your boat, or any of the other possible variants such as "Tell it to the judge", "We told you so", and my favorite, "What, you can't read? So given the fact that these huge metal hydraulically operated prongs are going to snatch your boat from its undersides, why would you mount your transducer where the forks can knock them up?

Why didn't I think of that? Outboard lower unit salvation.

I have always wondered why, at some subliminal level, when you tip back a modern outboard motor, a little bit of the lower unit always remains in the water. Maybe the reason for this is to insure that one of the most vulnerable portions of the motor stays in contact with the salt water to insure galvanic corrosion will occur, and hence new parts will be needed. Or maybe there are unknown mechanical reasons why the motor can't be lifted that last six inches or so to clear the water. I mean we went to the moon didn't we? So I was most surprised when I encountered two boats next to each other, one with this nifty little box under the lower units, and one without the little box.

Cooking with the "Splendid Galley"

The trick to good marine cooking is great ingredients, and lots of patience. Today's simple recipes feature a gorgeous roasted batteries au jus, with a tasty side dish of blackened air conditioning controller. You will find the spicy crunchiness of the blackened controller will harmonize beautifully with the savory acidic flavors of well cooked plump batteries. The mouth, and eye watering aroma while cooking is indescribably exquisite. I can hear your tummy growling in anticipation already. This recipe will feed a good sized crowd, so be sure to size the recipe proportions to fit your needs.

Ingredients:

2 Plump 8D batteries (I like to squeeze the sides to make sure they're firm.)

1 Heavy duty battery charger.

1 Air conditioning system (the best ones are mounted high up on a bridge)

1 Undersized water hose to air conditioning system.

1 Galvanized iron pipe nipple
Salt and pepper to taste
Serve on a bed of lettuce for a little extra panache. 

Cheesy boat, the movie

"Cheesy Boat" the movie premier, see it by clicking here, because I haven't figured out that embed thing yet, but I will soon, but most definitely later. Rated "CC" for Critical Content by the motion picture rating association overlords.

String theory

In the beginning God created the heaven and earth. And the earth was without form, or void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. "Um Dad? can I ask you a question?" "Make it quick son, can't you see I'm busy?" "I know, but are you going to leave all of those quantum strings you're using just laying around for the inhabitants to find?" "Don't worry son, when they find them, and figure out how to use them, I will just get really far away. I don't need the tan." Now go back, and keep practicing on Pluto, it looks like a potato for gosh sakes. Let me be. I barely have a week to get the job done, and this photon stuff is very tricky, but if you're good, we can play Asteroids when I'm done." "Thanks dad."

The attorney's boat

Limited Liability Waiver

for travel on the M/V Sosueme

1. In consideration for receiving permission to travel on the M/V Sosueme, I hereby RELEASE, WAIVE, DISCHARGE, AND COVENANT NOT TO SUE the owner, his family, agents, marina staff, boat manufacturer, (hereinafter referred to as RELEASEES) from any and all liability, claims, demands, actions, and causes of action whatsoever arising out of or related to any loss, damage, or injury, including death or injury, or loss caused by drowning, electrocution, food poisoning, drunkenness, bad hair, heat stroke, shark bites, fire, jellyfish stings, sunburn, angry boaters, lighting strikes, sinking, carbon monoxide asphyxiation, collisions, Coast Guard citations, lost hats, sea sickness, allergic reactions, marital arguments, windburn, dehydration, pregnancy, blood loss, groundings, or any other life threatening, and or any other deleterious event that may be sustained by me, or to any property belonging to me, while participating in such activity, while in, on, upon or near the vessel, or even anywhere where the activities, related or not are being conducted, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER SUCH LOSS IS CAUSED BY THE NEGLIGENCE OF THE RELEASEES, or otherwise and regardless of whether such liability arises in tort, contract, strict liability, or otherwise, to the fullest extent allowed by law.

The pilot's boat

Walk around check list
Fuel fill secured..........CKD
Waste fill secured..........CKD
Water fill secured..........CKD
Anchor secured..........CKD
Bilge status..........CKD
Bilge pump test..........CKD
Visual check of engines..........CKD
Battery water levels..........CKD
Fuselage damage..........CKD
Communication antennas..........CKD 


External Power
Ground power available..........ON/CKD 
Voltage checked..........110VAC/220VAC
Pedestal buss breaker..........ON/CKD
Battery switch..........BOTH/CKD

Aluminum animus

Bronze has been around, well at least since the start of the bronze age, about 3000 BCE. As a matter of fact, the first use of metals starts with gold around 6000 BCE, and by the time Jesus appears, there are only seven known metals in the world. Their appearance in history starts with gold, then copper, silver, lead, tin, iron, and mercury. Aluminum however was first made in a crude form in 1825, and really wasn't a viable commercial metal until the late 1800's. It's a marvelous material when used in the right place for the right reasons. But I would opine that dash panels are not a good long term use for this material, especially when exposed to the salt water environment. 

In the real world, or at least in my version of it, I know why it's used, and that's because you can make it pretty, much to the delight of the marketing departments. From this installers viewpoint, the stuff is a real pain in the ass to deal with.

Ships log, the North Channel

July 29th

Pulled into the Bad River anchorage last evening, and this morning was eventful. Little Johnny said there was water on the floor of his cabin, and there was. The seawater hose for the toilet had cracked. I used a piece from the garden hose to fix it, and pumped the water out. The only causality was all of the canned goods were stored below, and all of the labels came off. A couple of those sailbote guys came rowing over, and complained about the Coleman generator on the swim platform running all night. What was I supposed to do? The kids wanted to watch movies, and Joan wanted the AC on. What a whiny lot. The place is nice, but you can't get a TV signal at all. Sent the kids ashore to dump the garbage some place, pumped the holding tank out, and we headed for Killarney.

It's one thing after another, it's a boat.

A friend of mine recently bought a late model outboard motor that was attached to a free older center console boat. On the whole it was a very good buy, but the previous owner was somewhat cack handed at repairs, if they were made at all. The boat hull was buffed back into shape, and out it goes for an inaugural trip which results in a near sinking in some rowdy water. As the vessels stern compartment was filling with water it was observed that the bilge pump was not functional, but with some luck they made it back to the boat ramp. After waiting for half an hour for the water to drain out, home they went. I came over to look, and to listen to the story. Everything was fine in the beginning, but it was getting rough by the time they noticed the lowered back end and returned

Johnson bilge pump wiring, "Splained to Lucy."

Lets start with the fact that Johnson bilge pumps are excellent pumps. Good, now that's out of the way. My issue is only with some less than crystalline wiring documentation. Let me take that back, it's not that the wiring diagram is incorrect, it's just poorly labeled. When you have two wires, and one is labeled brown #1, and the second is labeled brown #2, some inherent confusion will result. In reality there are not two brown wires, there is a brown wire, and then there is a brown/red wire. Why the wonky nomenclature? Just call one brown, and the other brown/red?

Hole of the week, and "Name that bad boat, the new prime time game show"

It's sweltering. The fan is roaring next to me, and I'm soaked to the bone in my own sweat. My arms are black and blue from the continual impacts against the sharp edges of a tiny access hole as I pull a cable. I think to myself, I shouldn't have enrolled in that marine installer's training school I saw advertised on that pack of matches. They promised me a glamorous and exciting career in marine technology. I should have drawn the picture of Blinky the clown, and gone to the "Famous Artist" school instead.


I'm just not happy. It's bad enough the working conditions are at times most odious, but the quality of the vessels I work on runs the gamut from fairly good, (never perfect) to lousy examples of design engineering, and implementation with the later predominating. Hearkening back to my very first posting, I made some rules, and set some journalistic standards, which I have maintained so far. 

The point of this blog is to relate my every day frustrations with trying to install a wide variety of marine electronics on boats of all sizes and types. It is hoped that boat builders will read these postings, have an epiphany, and make the small changes needed to make my life easier, and hence save some of my clients hard earned dollars. I am going to abide by the rule, that I will leave the offending boat builders names out of the blog, but you know who you are, and straighten up.


The rules were simple. Do no harm. Use only close up photographs if you were pointing out someone's less than perfect design work or implementation, and don't publish the offenders names. Using the close up photos would allow the builders to recognize their own work, but it would be very difficult for the average reader to know whose bad work it was. I may change my mind about all of this.

The inquisition

"SILENCE! Bow down in awe whilst his most eminent, and fearsome "Installer" enters the chamber. His justice shall be swift and righteous. Bring forth the prisoner with his confession, and lock him in the stocks. The inquisition will now begin. You may now sit. The heinous crimes perpetrated by this guilty boat owner shall now be read aloud for all to hear."

The boat is a zinc'er

The boat is eating itself alive. It's almost like it has a case of aluminum flesh eating bacteria. Purchased about a year ago, the owner had this 1999 cuddy cabin single outboard sent in for a new bottom job, and it was then was moved to the owners slip. A few months later, the owner's diver noted that the engine zincs needed to be replaced, and they were. A few months later, again the engine zincs need replacement, and they were again. About six months into ownership, a motor tilt hydraulic cylinder failed, and the boat went into a local marina for repair, and it was discovered that the motor mount was severely corroded, including chewing a hole through the lift cylinder housing, causing the failure. The owner was understandingly concerned, and he should have been. 

Obsolescence

Just a little fun, shouldn't I really be out working on a boat in the 100 degree Florida sun?
Click here to find out where your electronics end up when they are obsolete

Boating the NASA way

"What's the most exciting thing that has ever happened to us" asks Kate. My first reaction was that god awful storm we sailed through on Georgian bay. Kate says "No, I think the shuttle launch", and she was right. We left the house at 1:00 am, and drove to Titusville. We arrived a bit after 5:00 am at a large hotel's lobby jammed full of reporters, camera crews, and NASA contractors. We find our host, grab some bagels, are given our passes, and hop into his car. Every square inch of the causeway's shoulders going out the space center is jammed with vehicles. We get checked through the main KSC guard gate, and then through another check point, and drive up to the observation area set aside for employees and contractors. We are now about three miles from the shuttle, with a clear view, and as close as NASA will let unprotected personnel get. It is now about T minus 30 minutes, and counting. A long row of metal bleachers are set up with a PA system that's providing the communication feeds between the NASA centers, and the shuttle. We have our host from Morton Thiokol on one side of us, and a group from Rockwell on the other side who are translating what is happening. 

Oops, short lessons

Lower bridge?

Lowered antenna.

Going green?

Buy new transducer.

Illustrated lessons for a less expensive boating life. The morals, check your antenna, before the low bridge does it for you, and it will. The green stuff on the chart is where birds stand, and it's never a good idea to take your boat there.

Oh the horror, filthy bilges , dirty jobs

I open the hatch, look down into the engine room, and reel back in dismay. Several inches of black oily water, intermingled with amorphous brown lumps sloshing at the keel. Every place you could put your on feet is covered with black slime. The once white engines are now grayish, and look like Jackson Pollock had painted them with a pallet that consisted of only used black engine oil. Old egg crate insulation foam crumbles into dust at the slightest touch. "You gotta be kidding. Is this a joke, you want me to work down there? Do I look like I own a Hazmat suit? I have one word for you, "Soap" and lots of it. Have you heard about this stuff? After seeing this, I know I don't want to see what the head looks like. Not a chance, hire someone to clean up this pigsty if you can't, and don't call me until it's looking better. Believe it or not even marine installers have some marginal  standards."

Stiffening up a small Garmin GPS

I have thrown, metaphorically speaking, a zillion of these small Garmin 4x and 5x chart plotters into boats. They are compact, full featured, and a good choice for smaller boats. In most cases they are good to go as installed, but on occasion it would be nice if the mount was a wee bit stiffer. Don't despair, there is an easy way to make the mount a little stiffer, for under a dollar or less, even if you're paying full retail.