Saturday, March 3, 2012

Battery trial

Opening argument, the defense:  "Good morning ladies and gentlemen of the jury. My client, Mr. Battery who you see slumped in the wheelchair before you, has been accused of attempted murder in the first degree. I'm going to prove to all of you beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Mr. Battery is indeed innocent. His disfigurement, and subsequent leakage of poisonous gas was in reality caused by his owners neglect, faulty equipment, and poor installation. Look at my poor client in his charred and bloated condition, and ask yourself, could the loyal Mr. Battery truly have deliberately tried to kill the owners he loved? I know you will all make the right decision. Thank you for your attention."

Opening argument, the prosecution: "Good morning members of the jury. My esteemed colleague would have you believe that Mr. Battery who you see before you is just an innocent victim of circumstances, and abuse by its owner. But in fact we will prove to you that he is really a cold blooded killer, filled with dangerous chemicals, gases, and murderous intent. I feel pity for his condition, but we will show that his damage was self inflicted, in an attempt to viciously kill its owners in a fit of rage. Thank you members of the jury."