Engine NMEA 2000 crap

"Really, that's all I need, just the gateway kit, how much is it? Ouch $250 bucks? Well it is what it is, I guess, and the owner wants to see his engine instruments on his chart plotter." Fast forwarding a week UPS delivers me a box, and I go to the boat. Avidly ripping open the box, I behold the kit before me. There it is in all its glory, a small black box with an LED, and two cables coming out of it. Yep, one of them has a standard NMEA connector, and the other one has a what? It's a nine pin female connector, where the heck does this thing plug into? Wait a minute, it's a kit remember, and in the bottom of the box is another cable, with a nine pin male connector. I plug it in, and then look closely at the other end. Hmmm, it's a male 4 pin connector. Whats this plug into? I can see the entire engine harness, the engine gauges, the control computer, and the device bus, and nowhere is there someplace this four pin connector can go. Rats!

The imposter

"Hey, get that light out of my face." "Shut up and stay in that chair, or we'll cuff you to it. We have gotten complaints that you are impersonating mineral spirits." Can't you read detective? I am mineral spirits, look at my label." "I see your label buddy, but you could have printed that up with any computer. I know for a fact that real mineral spirits are clear. What's up with your milky color, and why do you have to be shaken before use?" "Hey do I look like some sort of a rocket scientist? I don't know, that's the way I was made. I'm special, greener, and better for the environment." "Whatcha mean you're green, does that mean you could be drunk, or poured into the bay?" "Whoa there, you can't drink me, or pour me into the bay. I can kill fish you know." "'Yeah? So what make you green then?" "Well for starters there are actually less solvents in me, maybe as low as 15% by volume and there might be as much as 40%, they don't tell me exactly how much. That makes me safer, and I want my lawyer, now! I ain't saying anything else copper." 

Gender bending, male or female?

Lying deep within a mountain in the New Mexico desert is the clandestine headquarters of BIOS, the Bureau of Inanimate Object Sexing. Behind massive steel doors designed to protect good citizens from even accidentally overhearing conversations that are not suitable for pregnant women, children, and many others whose constitutions are of a frail and sensitive nature. Within these rooms, words like coupling, shrouds, hermaphrodite, bisexual, and androgyny are casually bandied around with impunity. Sexing inanimate objects is an important, but difficult and extremely taxing job. Because of the constant sexual pressure BIOS staff must always be carefully monitored by psychologists, and hand washing stations are always located close at hand for the safety of all.

Andren waypoint format conversion magic

It's time for the"Dark Arts." On goes the robe and conical hat with the stars and moons. A quick check tells me the goat is prepared, and out of assorted secret chests various magical implements are extracted.

Today we are casting a difficult, and dangerous spell to exorcise the waypoints out of an ancient Garmin 215 chartplotter, and whisk them into a newly installed Garmin 7215. For those who are afraid of such unnatural, and "olde magicks", you should stop reading now, lest your soul inadvertently gets sucked into the black technical vortex to suffer for all time. For all else, have your garlic and amulet close at hand while you read.
   

Congressional hearing

For the record, I'm Congressman Weal, and today's investigative subcommittee hearing is regarding the high cost of marine electronics repairs. There has been an overwhelming number of letters from my constituents complaining about the gross, and flagrant billing costs by marine professionals, and our job is to get down to the nitty gritty of this onerous situation.

I have before me a letter from a Mr. Berlusconi describing exactly this problem, and offering the entire committee the opportunity to spend a week on his boat doing the peoples hard work of reviewing his extensive maintenance records, We took him up on his offer, and frankly we were aghast at the costs the poor man was billed.

I want to assure all Americans that not a single dime of taxpayer's money was spent during this important, and difficult investigative trip. I think it may be time to consider some greater regulation of this obviously out of control industry. We have testifying before us Mr. Installer, a purported expert in the repair of marine electronics. It is unfortunate that we had to subpoena Mr. Installer to appear today, but we felt that his claims about not being able to afford to fly here were spurious to say the least. I would like to turn the first five minute questioning period over to my esteemed, but somewhat misguided colleague Congressman Fester.

Thank you my good, but ideologically deluded friend for the introduction. Just for the record, I don't think that there is any role for gummit regulation in this matter at all, especially for people that own boats, or anyone else period.

I was only on one once, and that was during our investigative trip. If you want to own a floating hotel, that is your business, not the gummit's. Mr. Installer, just to get a feel for the important things here, are you an American, and did you bring your birth certificate with you to prove it? I'm concerned that these claims of over billing might actually be caused by illegal aliens.

Selecting the right chrip transducer for the GSD 26

For fishermen, the use of fish finders have always required a little black magic to get the most out of them. Tweaking settings to find thermoclines, and playing with knobs with names like gain or TVG. Trying to decide if the big target on the display is really a school of bait fish, or a Warsaw grouper.

As good as sounder systems have become through the years, the approach of doing a single frequency ping (tone burst) has been, and always will be limited by basic physics, and the industry has basically taken the technology about as far as it can go. Now with "Chirping" sounder systems, the game has changed. In 800' of water, you can now tell if that target is a single fish, or a school of bait. At 2000', or possibly more with the right transducer you can still see larger fish targets, and bottom can be found at depths of up to 11,000'.

Talk about fish finding now includes jargon like "number of elements", "Q" values, figures of merit, and DSP processors. Now with about two dozen chirping transducer options, what's best for your boat? This is what we're going to explore, and along the way give you some of the tools to help you make the right decision.

Degrees, minutes.... Hours? Weeks? Months?

What's up Dick? You can't enter the waypoint position? Okay, I understand it's in a degrees minutes, and seconds format, and you changed your system format to input it I assume? Good. You say it won't accept the seconds, that's odd, what did you do then? You inputted it again, and just dropped the seconds, and that didn't work well either? Then you changed the latitude from 23 minutes to 24 minutes, and it was near the mouth of the channel? What was next? You just gave up? There was no place called Little Palm Island on your charts, and you even called and asked the dock master to verify that the website lat/long numbers on the website were the correct ones? Tell you what Dick, send me the link for the marina where you got the numbers, and I will take a look. A little while later I do take a look, at the link, and I immediately see what's going on. Boy are the directions screwed up. This marina would be lucky if anyone could find them based on their published directions.

Springeth forward

It's MRI's biannual PSA reminder about that daylight savings time clock thing that has been going on, and off in the US since 1918. DST has not been always very consistently applied in the US due to state, and federal legislators mucking around with the issue. In the early sixties a 35 mile ride on Route 2 between Moundsvile WV, and Stuebenville OH required 7 time changes. In 1966 the Uniform Time Act was enacted, and  Daylight Savings Time became generally standard, but states could still opt out of the program, but at least the entire state would have to opt out, sort of. Arizona, with the exception of the Navajo reservation, and Hawaii do not use DST. Why? I don't have a clue, maybe they they just have a lot of extra photons to waste.

So in sum, the GMT offset for Eastern Standard time is now -4,00 hours. so check, and if needed change your chartplotter's offset from the -5.00 hours on Saturday to -4.00 hours on Sunday if you're in the eastern time zone. Add one hour for each time zone going west. If your chartplotter's clock is off, it shifts the tide calculations, and in some cases the estimated time of arrival. Ahem, for those of you who may be clock challenged, this means you move the little clock hand forward one hour. Leave the big hand alone. Or is it you move the big hand all the way around once, and the little hand will follow. Heck, I'm not sure, my VCR has been blinking at me for two decades.

   

I'm mad. I'm mad. I'm really really mad.

Every time I see a boat

It's always just the same

With the fighting und the biting

Then there's wiring und there's bleeding

Und there's scratching on the head

When I get to where we're going

I'm just ready for my bed
I'm mad, I'm mad, I'm really really mad.

Battery trial

Opening argument, the defense:  "Good morning ladies and gentlemen of the jury. My client, Mr. Battery who you see slumped in the wheelchair before you, has been accused of attempted murder in the first degree. I'm going to prove to all of you beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Mr. Battery is indeed innocent. His disfigurement, and subsequent leakage of poisonous gas was in reality caused by his owners neglect, faulty equipment, and poor installation. Look at my poor client in his charred and bloated condition, and ask yourself, could the loyal Mr. Battery truly have deliberately tried to kill the owners he loved? I know you will all make the right decision. Thank you for your attention."

Opening argument, the prosecution: "Good morning members of the jury. My esteemed colleague would have you believe that Mr. Battery who you see before you is just an innocent victim of circumstances, and abuse by its owner. But in fact we will prove to you that he is really a cold blooded killer, filled with dangerous chemicals, gases, and murderous intent. I feel pity for his condition, but we will show that his damage was self inflicted, in an attempt to viciously kill its owners in a fit of rage. Thank you members of the jury."

The boat show underbelly

Who doesn't like going to a boat show, especially now that this almost extinct event is now making a big come back. I love the nostalgic odor of plastics and styrene out gassing in a large confined hall, the $12.00 boiled hot dog and beer, the hundreds of desperate salesmen clutching their binders searching for the elusive Mr. Big who may actually buy a boat, and the carnival feel. I always carry one of those small checkbooks sticking out of my shirt pocket to activate salesman's drool and sweat glands.  But to be honest, I rarely look at the boats. I know that after a boat is delivered to it's owner, and actually dropped into the water, it will be just a matter of days before I'm called to fix it. I can then examine it up close and personally with lots of tools while muttering pejorative verbiage under my breath.

Killer drain

"It seemed to be such a nice drain", commented one neighbor. "The drain  kept to himself, it's always the quiet ones that seem to do these sort of things." warned another as the swat team surrounded the boat. "A plastic drain would have been a better neighbor," blurted the women across the street" "they drive down the property values, but at least you can tell if they are up to something."

Installing the Garmin GSD 26

It's large, heavy, and packed with high resolution analog to digital converters, and a dual core digital signal processor (DSP) system. Although installation is fairly straight forward, there are some nuances you need to deal with when wiring the broadband transducer into the box, as I have learned.

I'm Chuffed!!!

Chuffed is an understatement. The Marine Installers Rant took third place in the original online content category in Boating Writers International annual writing contest. It was an honor to be included in the same august company in which Ben Ellison of Panbo fame won first place, and Stuart Streuli of  http://www.sailingworld.com was second.  

If this was an Oscar award, my speech would have gone something like this.... 

I want to thank my wife Kate for her endless patience with this writing activity. I know for a fact that this is always the right thing to say, and start with. Ben Ellison for his advice and shout outs, and my friend Dick Reston for his ever "on the money" sage writing advice. "Bill", said Dick with a stammer. He was nervous; his voice quavered. "Remember the rules about the need for vivid declarative verbs: the fewer the adjective and adverbs the better." Many thanks to all who read, and judged.

The original online content category is the only one you have to write a 300 word essay for. In a Bill sort of way, here is my essay. I'm also pleased to be sporting the very fashionable, and coveted Panbo "So many gizmos, so little time!" logo chapeau gifted to me by Ben. "And Dick, it's widow free", said Bill enthusiastically.

Testing the Pearce Simpson Gladding Islander RDF

The top secret Parmain laboratories don't often do product reviews, but when the opportunity presented itself to evaluate the Pearce Simpson Gladding Islander position calculating  system, we just couldn't resist. We have to hand it to their clever designers, and marketing staff for creating this unique combination of a navigation system coupled with a shipboard audio entertainment system, all in one elegant compact package.

Our technician's (Peter Scharff shown above) ran this versatile system through its paces in both our laboratory, and aboard one of our test vessels in real world conditions. We evaluated it's position calculating capabilities, ease of use, and durability.

Friday in Hades

I'm wet, choking, and can't breathe. Coughing, I jolt up to a sitting position, and a coin falls out of my mouth. I suck in fetid air and look around. I have been laying in a foul marsh next to a river. Bones stick out of the mud, and the river's surface is writhing with the dead. I struggle to my feet, and I can just barely stand. My tool bag feels like it weighs a thousand pounds, and I discover the strap has grown into my shoulder. Looking up I see Charon poling his boat towards me, and then I remembered. It was that damned speaker.

Arts and crafts. Making a console overlay template

Attention class, everyone get into your seats, and get your supplies ready. We need our template paper, scissors, a straight edge, tape, and our scriber. And Johnny, quit sniffing that styrene, and stop running around with those sharp scissors, you're going to hurt someone. The materials are simple, and the only thing in question is what to use to do the scribing, and we will get to that in a moment.

It's golden

Kate and I watched the new Fox show Touch the other day. It's about an autistic kid who can see patterns. He spends a lot of time writing stings of numbers in a book, and some of the numbers are darker. When the camera pans back you can see the darker numbers are describing a spiral. Wait a minute, I know these numbers, and then remembered a conversation from years ago I had with an architect friend Jack Whelan about the golden rectangle, and boat shapes. So after the show, I gave myself a refresher course in the golden ratio, and you're going to be the beneficiary of my relearned information. 

In a burst of enthusiasm I start to Google boat images that might fit well into a "Golden" based story, and I spotted the boat below. I looked at it for a moment, and suddenly realized I know this boat. This is Gizmo, Ben Ellison's boat, and he took the picture. To my eye it looked golden. How I did I know it's Gizmo? Who else do you know that has a boat with four radars. I did a quick cut, paste, and little geometry 101, and decided this is good choice for the story. I emailed Ben and asked, "Could I use his picture in the story?" He asked if Gizmo "was golden", I said "very",  Ben said, "cool", and here we are.

Film at 11:00

Borrowing Mr. Well's time machine, I roar on back to the year 2003. These were heady times. The Installer put in all of the gear you see below into a new Pursuit. It included the new Raymarine HDFI sounder module which won the "Best in Show" NMEA award that year. The RL80  state of the art chart plotter and radar, and a shiny new autopilot. It has all been working very well ever since for lo all of these years, which I think is an excellent testimonial for any piece of marine gear that lives in a salt water environment. The boat is used all of the time, and the original motors were worn out. They have been recently replaced with new twin Yamaha 225hp 4 stroke engines which have a Command Link interface making NMEA 2000 data collection possible.

So as good as the gear has been, it's time for new toys, and on the list is a broadband chirping sounder system. At this point in time, there are only two available options, and the owner already has some Garmin gear, and is familiar with it. So out goes the old, and in with the new consisting of a Garmin 7215 touch screen based system with a GMR 24 radar, the new GSD 26 sounder module, and an Airmar M265LH broadband transducer. Since this is a story too big to be told at one time on the small screen, I'm going to bust it into four parts over the next week or so.

Oh no, oh no, it's off to work I go!

Welcome to my Friday, a day of work, walking, and hundreds of pounds of AGM batteries that need to be delivered to a boat waiting at the gas dock at the Marina Jack marina. This is one of the best marina's in Florida. It has a super staff, great amenities, and best of all it is right on top of downtown Sarasota. This allows visiting boaters to walk to dozens of restaurants and bars, get groceries at Whole Foods, and visit art galleries and specialty shops.


To provide some orientation to this place for visitors, I crafted a little map to show you the layout. The Marina Jack marina is part of the Island Park complex which sprawls along the Sarasota downtown bay front. There are walkers, walkers with dogs, bike riders, tourists galore, two restaurants, public art sculpture exhibitions, and people of the future riding Segways. Needless to say, there is a lot of parking, but for the Installer with a bunch of very heavy batteries, during tourist season, with a local boat show going on, getting close to the docks is a substantial chore.

The Boating School

The Boating School is pleased to introduce our new elective summer course schedule, and is now accepting registrations. These courses have been selected with the needs of modern boater in mind. The Boating School is dedicated to providing only the finest in boating educational instruction available anywhere.

Low cost charts, and how to get them. 

Learn how to save money by downloading nautical charts from the internet. There is a wealth of chart material available at no cost for the savvy boater that knows where to look. There are many options including seafood restaurant place mats, Google earth photographs, and on the water hotel brochures. In addition to the internet there is also used book stores, and buying old charts on Ebay or Craigslist. Our instructors will teach you how to find, and separate the ones that are probably okay, from the ones that might not be. Save big money, and enroll now.

This is a 4 credit course. Classes meet Monday mornings for six weeks. Successful completion allows enrollment in our fall semester course, "Hacking navigation chart chips for fun and profit".

Houston, we have a problem

"Okay Houston, we've had a problem here." "This is Houston, say again Albin 13." "We have had a navigation instrumentation power failure." "Copy that Albin 13, let me talk to the engineers about a work around. Stand by please." "Albin 13, the engineers want to know if you have any wire and connectors?" "Roger, Houston, there is old wire I found in the garage, some split bolt grounding connectors, and wire nuts" "We copy Albin 13, the engineers want to know what is the size of wires, and do you have any electrical tape?" " Houston, we have a piece of old black wire that is about pencil sized, and some smaller red wire. There is also a package of multicolored electrical tape that came from Harbor Freight." "Roger that Albin 13, stand by for instructions." 

Florida jetsam, and other beach detritus

It was a good year for Florida beachcombers, and for the sharp eyed, there have been many treasures washed up on our shores. I don't know why we end up with so many interesting things washed up here, but I have some theories. My primary one is that Florida just has some sort of weird magnetism that attracts the odd, weird, and addled. My other theory is that Florida with its 1350 miles of coast line provides ample opportunity for things to be washed up. With all of these treasure just waiting to be found, it's no wonder it seems that everyone in Florida has a sort of stooped over look.