The politically incorrect chandlery

Just in time for the holiday season our ship chandlery buyers have been touring the world at great expense to locate new, and interesting products for the truly discriminating boater. We can personally assure you that none of these unique products are available at any other chandlery.

Happy Thanksgiving

We love Thanksgiving in our household. Family gathered, good bourbon, tall tales, and best of all the aromas coming from the galley. But most of all it is the traditions that pass down from generation to generation that are important, and ours is "Potato Volcano." Who needs eviscerated poultry products that take forever to cook when you have abundant mixed meat porcine products surrounding a science project looking potato volcano oozing cheesy and buttery lava down its sides. Just add ketchup gravy, and you have a feast the Pilgrims would have loved. Have a safe and abundant holiday. 

Since you asked Josh, here it is. We have lots of cookbooks, but three are used all of the time. This recipe is from the Culinary Arts Institute book. The other two are Joy of Cooking, and How to Cook Everything. There must be on the order of  4000 recipes in these three books. "Bon Appetit", or is it just "Good Eats"?

Sand castles? Hardly

Meet motorcycle safety guy, I followed him for about forty minutes. He never got any closer than fifty yard to the car in front of him, despite the fact that glaciers were passing us. Because the gap was so large, dozens of cars had pulled in front of him, making the pace even slower. His pipes weren't loud, so he was being extra cautious.

It was carefully planned, sort of. The sand sculpting annual event was occurring at the big public beach, and I had never seen one. By planning, I meant I had pushed off going out there thinking on a Sunday, late in the day, things would have died down a bit. Boy did I screw up. I left the house at 3:30, made a quick stop at Office Depot, and headed out. I live 4.2 miles from the beach. I thought it couldn't take more than twenty minutes. If it was any other day, 15 minutes would have meant I caught every single light.

A zillion wires

It's not quite a zillion wires, but by the time we're through well over 300 connections will be made. An old Searay dash panel is coming out, and it's being replaced with a shiny new one. The ravages of time, and sunlight had faded the old panel. The plastic had embrittled and cracked in several places. All in all it had acquire an unsavory appearance.

Public chalking

I don't know what the world is coming to. Anamorphosis is being done right out in public on the city's streets. And since this years theme was the circus, it featured lurid images, the ever present creepy clowns, and even near public nudity. Move over Key West and your so called Fantasy Fest, Sarasota has the Chalk Festival.

Xcelerator 36 at FLIBS

I almost walked on by, but something in the scene caught my eye. This was different, and different was worth looking at. The salesmen were young, there was a 15" 7215 Garmin on the back of the boat mounted like a down spot playing a football game. The boat looked sort of like another boat I know, but it wasn't, and look at the logos on the wrap. When did 3M start sponsoring fishing teams?

FLIBS, oh my aching dogs

The Ft Lauderdale boat show is the beast of all boat shows swallowing 3 million square feet of space in six locations. A fleet of trolleys and buses transports thousands of visitors around the locations, and the roads are all jammed. What this boils down to is there are a zillion boats ranging from small, to the immense packed in like chili oil sardines in a tin. At times you can't even see the water they're floating in.

Autopilot 101 DIY Part 1

Contrary to claims by some, there is no overall best auto pilot. I think all of the major brands are good, and your choice should be predicated by the characteristics of your particular vessel. The type of boat, existing or future navigation systems, accessibility and layout of the steering systems drives the best auto pilot system decision for your particular vessel. For discussions sake, we are building our auto pilot system around a hydraulically steered twin engine trawler.

MIR Birthday 3

The Installer's Rant is furtive but clean. (sort of)
And must be kept in close quarantine. (court order)
Or it sneaks to the slums. (code for uptown)
And promptly becomes. (maybe)
Disorderly, drunk, and obscene. (isn't that tippling?)

The rant is now three years old. In dog years, that means it is now twenty-one and can now legally drink. We should all be very afraid.

It's been a good, and busy year for the rant. Five videos, and five cartoons were added to the blogs YouTube channel. This was also my second year as a NMEA technology award judge, a task I truly enjoy doing.

Some structural changes have been made also. The first was a suggestion by my friend Dick Reston that I intermix picture sizes in the posts, which I have done. This makes for some additional mucking around with HTML to make it work, but it's worth it. I also added a complete alphabetical list of all posts at the bottom of the sidebar. Additional links to other good sites have been added, and more are yet to come.

The highlight of the year was winning third place in the "Original Online Content" category in the Boaters Writers International annual writing contest. I also received the very rare and highly coveted Panbo cap at the award ceremony. I will wear it proudly at the Ft Lauderdale boat show this weekend.

Many many thanks to all that read, advise and help.

"I have not yet begun to write." W. B. Bishop

The decorations around the blog's birthday cake were provided by Carla's "Instant Party in a Bag" planning company.

That is the Russian MIR space station on the cake. I need to be a bit more clear about these things when I order the next cake.

Digital oil self portrait by self.

Bristol Boat TV

Boating television as seen through the Installer's eyes.

Trivia question of the month #1

This should be easy, this 16' cabin cruiser complete with a head is like an English Bull dog. It's so ugly only its mother would love it.

What's the name of the boat? Where did its name come from? What company originally built it?

Thanks for the photo Peter.

This photo was added after the fact. It's a Fisher-Pierce ad circa 1968 that features the Menemsha. I added some additional information in the "comments" sections

Boat, you're under arrest. Put your lines behind your stern so we can cuff you

From little acorns, Supreme Court cases grow. This whole escapade starts with Fane Lozman. He suspected Riveria Beach city officials were illegally conspiring to sell the city owned marina his houseboat resided in to private developers. In a fit of civic pique Mr. Lozman sued the city. The proposed redevelopment program later fell through, but the city was irked over the suit, and took action.

Catching Mr. Lozman in the act of walking his small dachshund, gasp, unmuzzled on marina property, and claiming he was using unlicensed workmen on his boat the city attempted to evict him. Mr. Lozman again sued the city, and prevailed. The city was found to have retaliated against him. But the city wasn't through with Mr. Lozman yet. They adopted new marina regulations that included the requirement that all vessels had to be able to move in the event of a hurricane, be registered as a boat, and have insurance.

In part Mr. Lozman couldn't comply with some of the new regulations. His houseboat didn't have a HIN number, so it couldn't be registered. The new regulations also implied you had to have a motor, which he didn't have, and I suspect at this point he just didn't want to. Notices sent Mr. Lozman, were ignored, and then on a fateful day the city used Admiralty law with a federal warrant to arrest the boat. And yes you can arrest a boat. It gets towed away, and is later sold at auction. The city actually buys it back, tries to sell it, so they claim, and later has it destroyed. This will show that meddler you don't mess with city hall, and now the case is being heard by the Supreme Court. Is it a boat, or not? That is the question.

Answers to some physics questions

I start most days early. A cup of coffee is made, and with bed head, and in bathrobe I settle down in front of the computer, and read Google news. I'm not yet mentally ready to write, and this is my way of cranking the mental engine until it starts. It's also quiet. The canine rugs with organs we call the greyhound girls are still asleep, and are not demanding attention. I have several custom news sections including one called boating. Mostly reading this is an exercise in futility. Drunken boaters in boat crashes, the obligatory pedantic stories about how to boat safely, USCG rescues, and the occasional misplaced "Swift Boating", but this morning two items caught my eye.

The NMEA 2012 conference

Who needs Vegas when you can go to the Royal Pacific Resort. You couldn't find a better place to hold the National Marine Electronics Association's 2012 annual conference. This is my second year as judge for the annual NMEA technology awards. I was joined by Tim Queeney, editor of Ocean Navigator magazine who is this year's senior judge. You know this because his robe has the four gold stripes. Glenn Law, editor of Saltwater Sportsman is our new judge who replaced Ben Ellison.

Chilling me softly

Okay gentlemen, here is the problem. The client wants to put air conditioning on his boat, and power it with a small portable generator. The boat will also need an AC power backbone, and breakers, along with a GFI outlet in the cabin. Oh yeah, the owner has an existing small AC inlet that he may still want to use to power the charger, and or use the new shore power/generator system. Oh, I forgot we have to do everything in 20 amps because that is all that is available at the dock.

What do you think? Yes Bob? "Well I don't know boss. The big problem with using a small generator is the surge load when the air conditioning compressor starts, but maybe if the generator is large enough it might work. You will also have to have some sort of way to stop the small charger outlet from back from feeding into the AC system. I dunno, all of that with only 20 amps? It sounds dicey to me, maybe it can be done."

Good waffle there Bob. Do you want some maple syrup on it? What do you think Harley? "Sure Chief, it's doable with some forethought. There are some technologies available to deal with the air conditioning start up surge issues, and a breaker could be installed to control the AC back feed issue." Sound good Harley, and Bob quit playing with that slide rule, you're driving me nuts.

Deadliest cooking

I first met Travis Lofland from the F/V Time Bandit at the West Marine flagship store opening in Sarasota. He was appearing there along Edgar Hansen from The F/V Northwestern. Travis looked like he just stepped off a crab boat, and had. He was in between trips sporting an unruly mop of hair, and a full beard. This time not so much, short hair, no beard, and he was proudly promoting his new cookbook "Catch". 

High tech, live fast and die young

My grandfather was born in 1898, and he was living in an exciting, and enlightening time. Horse and wagon were still used to deliver fresh dairy, ice, and coal, but you could send a telegram across the country, and it would be delivered that day. A train could take you from coast to coast in three or four days, and his neighbors had basic electric lighting. He lived well past seeing a man walk on the moon. In his later years he often wistfully talked about the good old days and thought things were moving too quickly. I was born in 1952, and technology was now changing so fast that my generation needed seat belts.

Bird odure

I used the word odure because a lot of people may not be familiar with its definition, and it sounds a little more intellectual. But from this point forward I am going to use "Number Two" in place of it, so that at least second graders will have a firm grasp of the subject matter. And no giggling now kids, or I'll start using the Urban Dictionary synonyms for the word, and you will definitively be instructed to leave the room.

The resurrection of Can Do III

I have been having an affair with this boat for over twenty years, and know her every nook and cranny. Can Do, the 1982 Wellcraft Californian's maintenance had been in abeyance for several years. Engines were started every now and then, but the economy had largely relegated her to just sitting at dock. Now that things are better, it was decided to resurrect her. An old picture of Can Do was pasted up inside the cabin as a reminder of her more regal appearance, and as a lure of trips to come. Stephen on the bridge is the owner, as well as an old friend. His wife Caryn is on the bow, and Kate and I are standing at the lower helm. The picture is well past a decade old, and I think we were going off to either Tween Waters, or Key West, but I don't really remember.

Hurricane preparedness II

For all of us there are rituals in life, and for those of us living southwest Florida it's tracking and paying attention to tropical storms and hurricanes. In Ohio when you say spaghetti, they think Ragu. We think models. After waking up at 2:00am to check the latest information from NOAA's Tropical Prediction Center, it's often time to take action. The first step is to brave the crowded grocery stores, and stock up on critical essentials. It's always a melee. People fighting over bags of potatoes chips, and ripping jugs of water away from the hapless elderly, who are often armed to the teeth.

Nigerian yachting

From the desk of:
Dr. Gideon Gonad Jr.
Former Finance Minister of Zimbabwe
Plot 745, Ahmadu Bello Way
Lagos Nigeria

Dear Sir.

I am writing to you upon the recommendation of a friend who says you are honest and very trustworthy to assist me in a confidential business transaction. I had accumulated a huge fortune in Zimbabwe dollars due to my former position as finance minister of Zimbabwe. Unfortunately due to politics, very much corruption, and devaluation of my country's currency I find myself now working as an accountant for internet cafes in Lagos Nigeria, trying to give support to my family of 13 children.

The devil did it.

The classical images of the devil are always of an ugly horned brute that uses his pitchfork to herd hordes of shabbily dressed sinners into flaming lakes of lard. I think it's time to forget that image, and face up to reality.

Today's devil is obviously a smart, suave, and urbane gentleman who no longer works in some dirty subterranean cavern. I mean he's been doing his job for a long time, and punishing uneducated medieval serfs, is neither satisfying, or challenging. The world today offers so many creature comforts. So as they say, I think he has moved on up to the east side to that deluxe apartment in the sky. So instead of poking miscreants with pointy things, what does the modern devil really do day to day?

Why the answer is easy. He invents, and designs products that vex all of us. Where do you think things like derivative funds, technical support call centers, Windows Vista, Farmville, Santa Dreidels, and boat designs all come from?

Sarasota slamming adventures

Gordon Daniher's fishing team the "Dirt Draggers" are the most audacious, and hardest working lot I have ever encountered. He had entered the Sarasota Slam fishing tournament in the billfish division, and he had devised an epic plan.