Friday, November 23, 2012

The politically incorrect chandlery

Just in time for the holiday season our ship chandlery buyers have been touring the world at great expense to locate new, and interesting products for the truly discriminating boater. We can personally assure you that none of these unique products are available at any other chandlery.


Old Grogram Grog
This historic nautical drink was originally introduced into the British navy in 1740 by Vice Admiral Edward Vernon. The typical grog was one measure of rum mixed with weak beer. Our distillery has created an updated version of this historic rum at a hefty 200 proof, and we suggest that a good quality craft beer be used in place of weak beer. No Coor's need apply. To promote health gums, we have added some lime juice. A few of these drinks will put the "Aargh" back into your crew.  $32.99 + S&H

Manatee cooking oil
Our buyers located this flavorable cooking oil while traveling in South America, and couldn't resist after tasting it. The very high smoke point saves the chef cooking time, and it's safe for crew with peanut allergies. The delicate, almost bacon like flavor of this oil will put a tasty crunch into everything you fry in the galley from corn dogs to Twinkies, or our personal favorite, fried butter. It's also organic making it healthier for you. $10.99 + S&H

14th century captains writing set
You walk like a captain, talk like a captain, and look like a captain. Why not write like one? Imagine yourself as Magellan keeping your world's travels in a ship's log.

All of the materials in this writing kit are authentic for the period. The parchment is made from real baby seal skins. It has a eagle feather quill pen, and the ink comes from giant squids. A calligraphy handbook is included. It's all packaged in a handsome wood writing box. This product is only available in the spring due to seal mating season cycles. $299.99 + S&H

Whale oil lamp and clock
This reproduction of a historic whale oil lamp gives a warm romantic illumination in your cabin, and is also a clock. Its four pound lead weighted base keeps it in place in even the roughest seas. You read the time in roman numerals off the sides at the whale oil level. This clock and lamp was used well into the 18th century, and is accurate to within ten minutes an hour. $149.00 + S&H
Happy Cetacean Whale Oil
This is the perfect oil for your historic lamp. This product has been used for centuries, so you know it's time tested, safe, and good for the environment. A one pint can will fuel your lamp for about 20 hours. $9.99 + S&H
Fifty shades of "Cat O' Nine Tails
Keep the crew in line, or relive your favorite chapter in the book. These authentic nautical behavior incentives are hand crafted by retired seamen. Note the three knot detail. It will hurt so good. $75.00 + S&H

The ultimate kids pirate set
We knew we had a winner with this ultimate, and extremely realistic pirate play set. No cheap plastic replicas are used here. It features a real cutlass, dirk, and iron spiked banded cudgel. The silver plated brass hook is quite the eye catcher. Pirate hats, beards, and eye patches complete the look. We have even included a gang plank for the kids to walk at sword point. Your children will have hours of fun pillaging, and looting on the high seas. For ages four or over, some parental supervision is suggested. $249.00 + S&H   

Buyers note: The ivory handled Pirate's Pistol in the previous catalog has been temporarily discontinued to availability issues with the handle materials. We expect to restart production shortly.




3 comments:

  1. The manatee cooking oil fries up a mean bald eagle egg, perfect for the foodie in you family.

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  2. I find the whale oil works with, or rather, after, the cat o' nine tails. At least at my end of the brig, if you follow.

    The lime in the grog: So thoughtful!

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