Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Suri to the rescue

Hi Suri, I seem to have a problem.
Is it something about your boat again Dave?
Ah, possibly Suri, I may have hit another rock or something and the boat seems to be slowly sinking. What should I do?
Would you like to call a boat towing company Dave? 
Suri, I can't do that. They canceled me the last time I ran aground. The guy said they can't afford to have me as a customer any more, and now it will cost a fortune.
Okay Dave, have you turned on the bilge pumps?


Well I pushed the bilge pump button, but not much seems to be happening.
Have you activated a DSC emergency call Dave?
I can't do that Suri. The electricity now doesn't seem to be working now and I never hooked up the interface. Those little wires are complicated.
Dave, I remember sending you a drawing on how to do that. It wasn't that complicated, there were only two connections.
I know that, but they are hard to get to and the tech wanted $80.00 to do it. That's $40.00 per connection. They must think I'm stupid or something.
I'm not capable of commenting about that Dave. Does this mean your VHF radio isn't working either?
Yes Suri, the VHF radio isn't working.
Do you have life preservers on board?
That's another problem Suri. They were getting moldy and smelly. I needed the space for the new Kegerator anyway. I put them in the dock box.
Okay, let's review things for a moment Dave. Your batteries don't work, you can't do a DSC alert or use the VHF radio to call Coast Guard, your boat is sinking, and you left the life preservers at the dock. Can you swim Dave? 
I can dog paddle a little bit.
Do you have a pillow case?
Yes, and it's silk.
Good Dave, my accelerometer data says your rate of sinking is increasing so listen carefully. Empty all of the bottles in your liquor cabinet overboard and screw the caps back on tightly. Place them in the pillow case, tie a knot in it, jump overboard with it and swim away from the boat.
All of the liquor Suri?
All of it, I can't compromise the mission Dave. I will call the Coast Guard for you. I don't have a waterproof case so this is goodbye Dave. You should get an Android phone next time.

United States Coast Guard St Pete group, how may I help you?
Hello this is Suri, I want to report a boater in distress. The position is  27.26.402N. 82.53.054W. He is in the water and the vessel has sunk.
Thank you Suri. Is he using a pillowcase filled with liquor bottles as a flotation device also?
Yes sir.

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