Sunday, October 20, 2013

New products from the Politically Incorrect Chandlery

With Xmas just around the corner our buyers have been searching high and low for holiday gift items for the truly discriminating boater, and these unique new items are now available. Don't wait, stock is limited on some items, and we can assure you these are only available at PIC, your exclusive high end marine chandlery.

Our Super Bright Spot Lights

Put a bank of four of these 747 landing lights on your hard top, and save thousands when compared to those expensive and very complicated night vision systems.

You can now turn night into day with the simple flip of a switch. See markers, and everything else clearly over a mile away. Use them to light up those creepy dark anchorages in the middle of nowhere, and surprise your floating neighbors. Four of these babies put out an incredible 12,000,000 nova bright lumens. Each spotlight comes in a stainless steel enclosure. $325.00 each, four for $1200. 12VDC to 28VDC transformer required, available online.

LED Party Light

Throw your boat's disco ball away, we have the answer. We loved this 12 volt LED party light at first sight. Bath your cockpit in the warm color of your choice, or let your stereo's output create a riot of intensely flickering colors. There are hundreds of patterns from spinning vortexes to frantic blinking images. Your guests won't be leaving till they're heaving. Wimpy under the coaming LED rope lights just can't compare. $179.99 + S&H
Warning, some flashing rates, and patterns may cause severe nausea, or epileptic seizures especially if underway. Blink responsibly.

Depleted Uranium Anchors

Tired of anchors that don't hold the bottom? Afraid your anchor will let loose in a storm? You can calm those fears with our new line of Bruce style depleted uranium anchors. These indestructible anchors are manufactured by a small foundry located in Pripyat Russia. The foundry assures us there is no shortage of raw materials.

These have nearly four times the weight of those cheaper store bought steel anchors of the same size. Where you drop them, is where they will stay, and fishermen will appreciate the speedy free fall decent to the bottom. We guarantee these anchors will outlast you, and they won't corrode leaving unsightly rust stains on your bow. The bonus is the romantic warm glowing radiating from your bow. 160lb $229.00, 350lb $442.00, and 1100lb $1229.00. Shipping by ground only, some anchors may require more trim tab use in smaller vessels.

The Boat Horn With An Attitude!

We can't believe what a great buy we got on these boat horns. Our buyers spotted them in an auction held by the city of Detroit. They were part of the city's emergency alert warning system.

Why depend on those puny "air in a can" and weenie electric horns. With this siren on steroids you will be heard by everybody for miles around. Wake up that sleeping bridge tender, know you will be heard in the fog, and let that slow poke in front of you know you're passing him. With this horn your message is "Move over... right now!" $1,252.99 110VAC required.

Special Scrimshaw Offering

These genuine elephant ivory Scrimshaw carvings are a rare find. Before you get concerned, we want to assure you that child, and sweat shop labor are not used to make these. They are actually laser etched using historic designs.

Due the current high price of ivory, we are selling these for just $300 an inch, with the laser etching scaled to each piece. Each one of these masterpieces are mounted on a hand finished plank of old growth Honduran mahogany. Call us for an exact quotation. Delivery in the US in international waters only. Product of Somalia.

Make Your VHF Get-R-Done!

Weary, and bored with having to just use 25 watts when you talk on the VHF? Don't want to wait while other boaters blather on and on endlessly? Do you desire extra VHF range, and want real power? This easy to install inline amp is the one for you. It's powerful enough to drown out everyone else, and have your voice heard. Ran out of ice or margarita mix, and need to hail your buddy? Key that VHF mic and you will blast away at 200 watts into the atmosphere leaving a RF contrail behind you. At the VHF's low power setting you still get an impressive 40 watts. Provide your family with the safety margin you may need in case of an emergency. $330.00. Optional quick disconnect kit, $59.00

Beluga Whale Leather Sailing Gloves

Stay in touch with organic mother ocean with these fashionable, but sturdy gloves. For sustainability we use only all natural farm raised beluga whale leather. Double layers over the palms protect your hands from those coarse sail boat ropes, and velcro straps snug them up on your wrist. The insides are lined with river otter fur to keep your hands warm in even the coldest conditions. These won't last long, so order early. SM&L sizes $234.00. Our whale penis leather versions (large sizes only) are still available by special order for only $499.00


Anchor photo by Wikipedia user Bundesarchiv, B 422 Bild-0010 / CC-BY-SA, Bruce anchor photo by user Billion.

1 comment:

  1. Geez, Bill, it's like you've been reading the Lee Valley catalogue.

    ReplyDelete