Thursday, January 10, 2013

You piece of blagnab jetsam.

You styrene reeking floating piece of fracking junk! I hope your innards turn to outards, and your engines go visey-versey! I hates boats! It's just human nature to hates boats! Why dern you low down, son of a dugout canoe! You'll pay for this, you dog blasted, ornery, no account, bucket of fiberglass!  Look at what you no good fracking rawrbazzle wotten flea bitten varmints done did.


For the life of me I don't know why the guy at the factory did this. It's not like the VHF's NMEA wires were in the way, and it took some real extra effort to so neatly cut the wires back to the nub. Maybe since the boat didn't have an overpriced factory chartplotter installed, it was the builder's petty retribution. That will show those jerky buyers, wait till they get the bill for the interfacing. 

Worse the cable was just barely accessible without cutting  a ton of tie wraps that held the main harness together, in an even more difficult location to get at. Just to add to the fun was the sharp edge of the console cut out.

The easy part was using a utility knife to cut a the sheath away. The difficult part was getting in with tools to make the connections. The pictures make it look easy, but in truth  it was a P in the A.
And it resulted in the inevitable donation of my DNA being given to the vessel. I'm sure if you sprayed some Luminol into boat consoles, and engine rooms, and lit them up with a black light, it would look like Freddy Kruger had been doing the repairs. I can see the movie title now, "Nightmare on Elm Street, The Boat Builders Revenge." 

In the end I prevailed, albeit it with less than judicious application of perjorative verbiage. A happy GPS OK message, and a few minutes later a shiny new MMSI number was entered. 

Paraphrasing my colleague Yosemite Sam,  "Boat builders is so stupid."

It's a Walla thing. It's also known as Rutabaga, Peas and Carrots, Nater Nater et al. I use a sub-genre of this called Snazzum. The opening paragraph was a twisted version of Yosimite Sam's dialog that includes Snazzum, swearing with made up words. Just because I could, I also threw in Pogo's favorite swear word "Rawrbazzle." Tin Tin's Captain Haddock was also well known for the use of Snazzum. "Billions of bilious blue blistering barnacles."

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