Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Daiquiri Blender



Date 17 MAR 11 12:20 pm 
From: Richard Fogghi
To: Bill Bishop
Subject: Daiquiri Blender

Dear Mr. Bishop,

I have purchased a Daiquiri blender for my Volupturaptor 40' go fast boat and must have a 12 volt outlet installed before the weekend. Please advise me of the exact cost. The boat is located at the downtown marina in slip C-20

Thank you, Dick

Date 17 MAR 11 3:42pm 
From: Bill Bishop
To: Richard Fogghi
Subject: Re: Daiquiri Blender

Dear Dick,

I visited your boat. I can see you're a man of continental tastes, and it has quite the colorful, and furry interior. I assume you would want the outlet installed in what passes for a galley on your boat. I need to know how many amps your new blender requires. The cabin wiring just supports the red LED cabin lights, the rope lighting around the bed, and the stereo. It certainly can't take the additional load of a blender. 

Regards, Bill

Date 18 MAR 11 8:42am EST
From: Richard Fogghi
To: Bill Bishop
Subject: Re: Re: Daiquiri Blender

Dear Bill

Thank you for the compliment, I picked the colors myself. It is a custom built boat of very high quality, and it can go 80mph. I want the blender installed in the kitchen, not in whatever a galley might be. I don't know what an "Amp" is, but the blender is a Waring Tail Gate Pro. As I mentioned I need it for the big Poker Run race this weekend.

Thank you, Dick


Date 18 MAR 11 1:34 pm EST
From: Bill Bishop
To: Richard Fogghi
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Daiquiri Blender

Dear Dick,

If your kitchen is that spot with the tiny sink, and the ice maker, I understand. The blender uses 7.5 amps of electricity, and there is no available power source inside the cabin. This means that new wiring has to be pulled in from the batteries, that are behind the three very large engines in the engine compartment, a distance of about thirty feet. At least 10 gauge wire is needed, and eight gauge wire might be better. Since the current wire pull holes are only big enough for the existing wires, I will have to drill new holes to pull the wires through. The wire cost will be about $120 dollars, and it will take about 3 hours to pull the wires, and install the outlet. My best guess is it will cost about $330.

Regards, Bill


Date 18 MAR 11 5:21 pm EST
From: Richard Fogghi
To: Bill Bishop
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Daiquiri Blender

Dear Bill,

Are your crazy, that is more than three times the cost of the blender, and I can't believe that wire costs that much. I just bought 100 ft of wire at Home Depot, for only $20.00. It should not take three hours to pull the wire just thirty feet in my boat. This is a very good boat because I spent a lot of money purchasing it. Please change your estimate to something more reasonable, and it must be installed before the weekend.

Thank you, Dick


Date 19 MAR 11 9:26 pm EST
From: Bill Bishop
To: Richard Fogghi
Subject: Re: Re: Re Re: Re: Re: Daiquiri Blender

Dear Dick,

I could install the 12 volt outlet in the cockpit dash, just under the "MPH Speedometer" with the red anodized bezel. This would cost much less, and the blender has a 15' cord. This would save money, and time.

Regards, Bill


Date 20 MAR 11 7:43 am EST
From: Richard Fogghi
To: Bill Bishop
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Daiquiri Blender

Dear Bill,

Can you put a red anodized one in? If not, I don't want an ugly black plastic, or chrome outlet installed in my custom fabricated dash.

Thank you, Dick


Date 20 MAR 11 8:51 am EST
From: Bill Bishop
To: Richard Fogghi
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Daiquiri Blender

Dear Dick,

Sorry, but those are the only colors, and materials they come in.

Regards, Bill


Date 20 MAR 11 9:08 am EST
From: Richard Fogghi
To: Bill Bishop
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Daiquiri Blender

Dear Jerkoff,

You obviously don't know anything about working on cool boats like mine, and I hardly have any time left. I will just do it myself. Wire is wire, and if it is good enough for my expensive house, it is good enough for my boat. I'm going to Home Depot now to get the stuff. Thanks for nothing you jerk, I will tell all my friends to avoid a ripoff like you.

Dick





This little vignette is a small homage to Aussie David Thorne, who uses  an email format for his pieces. If you want funny, visit his site.  "5pm" is one of my favorites.

4 comments:

  1. This reminds me of an idea for a "Stupid Idea Liability Waiver" that I had a few years back.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Darwin Award candidates I'd say.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Unfortunately only humble pilgrims and aspiring pilgrims read you excellents posts. Those who never even realise that there is a way to do things properly are off playing poker in their 'go faster' boat ;-)

    Thany you for lots of entertaining moments.

    ReplyDelete
  4. And by "fruit smoothies", you mean "pour the vodka in there and throw in a couple of strawberries!".

    The article says they were making these "during the race"; how'd that conversation go down? "You gonna make those daquiris?" "Uhh, I can, but we're going pretty fast right now." "Yeah, I know. IT"S AWESOME!!! Now make the daquiris!"

    ReplyDelete