Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Cable ties, their true purpose uncovered?

Is it only me? Or is it just my imagination that this is the most dangerous thing on a boat. This insidious invention only appears to be a useful way of restraining wires. Its real purpose seems to be the collection of copious quantities of my DNA for some unknown, but no doubt Frankenstein-esque purpose. Why else would it have all of those sharp edges. It's bad enough that the cut off end is sharper than a razor blade, but even the small square body of the tie wrap has sharp enough corners to insure efficient collection of my flesh.

















The rules say, you must cut off the ends, to make the installation look pretty, and to insure the next person who comes along will have their DNA amply  collected.
















This picture is a typical example of the daily carnage this invention from Hades can cause. I have also observed that the more white leather and carpet there is in a boat, the deeper, and bloodier the scrapes from the cable ties are. How they know to do this, I don't know. Perhaps some form of advanced foreign nanotechnology is being used. 

Yes, I know they make a tool to cut off the tie ends flush, but it is one more giddy bob I have to carry around in a bag that weighs to much anyway, and often the tool is difficult, and awkward to use in very confined areas.

















But worst of all is the danger to an unaware populous by this seemingly innocent tie wrap. For in reality it is a truly dangerous device. The scientists at the top secret Parmain laboratory have analyzed the potential threat these so called "Cable Ties" pose to the unknowing public, and we were horrified when we uncovered, the "Shiv Ring". This dagger of death is hard to see with an x-ray machine, very sharp, and could slash open up your carotid artery in an instant. We have sent telegrams to the TSA, and prison wardens to alert them to this clear and present danger. Citizens should be on guard, and report any suspicious tie wrap purchase activities immediately to the authorities. There has to be a better way.

8 comments:

  1. After a bad infection from one of these on an old boat I was restoring, I bought a tensioner-cutter tool. It worked so-so.

    For a while I hot knifed across the tip, but on a small job, it's a pain, and on a big job it's a pain. I got burned as much as sliced.

    Then one day I was working on someone else's boat. My multi-tool was wherever I left it (a bad habit), she didn't have dikes. She said "will nail clippers do?"

    They did. Now I have a pair of toe-nail clippers in my 90% toolkit (the one that covers 90% of everything that needs doing day to day).
    Chris

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  2. You should try the "low profile" type. Much less likely to cut you AND I think they do a better job.

    Doug C.

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  3. Knee-pads, helmet, gloves, "the goggles", cell phone, and a pair of flush cutters; it's the only way to fly with your brown eye in the sky, as you swear into the next un-godly dark space --not only will it protect you, but you can reduce your liability, and that my friends, may just get you that new gourmet jellybean flavor you been cutting yourself by accident for, but probably not.

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  4. Hey, I stumbled on your post by accident whilst looking for someone else. I'm a bicycle mechanic in Vancouver, BC. Cable ties are often used to secure hydraulic brake lines to mountain bike frames. As you can imagine many a mountain biker has scars and scratches all over the insides of his/her legs. I have found that twisting the ends off of those ties with a pliers instead of clipping them with utility sheers or side cutters yields a skin friendly clean edge. Eric from www.dream-cycle.com

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  5. Take a razor blade (box cutter) and just nick the edge flush with the head. The tail will twist off flush.

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  6. OMG what happened to that hand.. :( need to be very much careful with cable ties as they are really very strong and tough and can even hurt you if you do not handle them properly.

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  7. This is EXACTLY what our Cobra Low Profile Ties are designed for! www.cobraties.com
    Check us out, you will be pleased!

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